A JOURNEY INTO RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD
Who/What is God to You?
There are a multitude of responses to that question and quite possibly several different ones over a lifetime as did happen in mine. Here is a brief account of my ongoing journey into relationship with God.
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​Linda K. Saxton, M.F.A, Ed.S.
Catholic Convert and Spiritual Formation Companion
Initially for me, God was the gray bearded, old man who resided in the clouds driving a chariot and hurling thunderbolts that instilled the fear of God in His people. Or so I thought from an illustration in my Presbyterian family's book of childhood bible stories. I realize now that I might have mistaken a picture of Elijah when he was taken up to heaven in a chariot of fire as my image of God. Regardless, that was my take away belief about God from my childhood.
As a twenty-something, I first experienced what I thought to be God in 1976 as radiant light/warmth and a sense of home at the core of my being during a yoga meditation class. Over the following fifteen years as I maintained a dedicated meditation practice, that experience evolved into a "Universal God Consciousness" a supernatural, energetic, non-relational experience of God that existed on two planes: on a horizontal plane where I lived and took action and a vertical plane that determined the level of consciousness and creative life force I could access and use in living my life on earth and for evolving spiritually.
Twenty years later in 2011, God called me through an Internet image of His son, Jesus Christ, whom I knew as a child, but had not related to for thirty plus years. Jesus came to me as healer while I was engaged in healing trauma experienced from early childhood through to young adulthood with the aid of a medical doctor who strongly believed in the healing power of God's Love. My experience of God had come full-circle from a feared entity, to a consciousness devoid of embodiment and relationship, and finally to a relational God who made Himself visible in human flesh as Jesus Christ and whose love offered me freedom from PTSD challenges. I came to know Him as the One who freely gives us life and loves us unconditionally.
Within a year of that revelation, this same healer suggested that I meditate in a particular Catholic Church for she was Catholic and aware of my spiritual energy sensitivities. Once inside the church I could feel God's Love, which I later learned was the Living Presence of Jesus called forth during the Eucharistic Sacrament celebrated at every Mass. I had been taught to attune to spiritual presence in sacred spaces and spiritual art and I experienced it permeating the interior space of the church and emanating from the statues of Mary, Joseph, Jesus, and Saint Therese of Lisieux that resided in the church among others. In that environment I also experienced the realm of angels and began to dialog with and be guided by them. I looked into the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA) program for converting to Catholicism desiring to deepen my relationship with God. However, I discerned at that time that I was not yet ready to embrace the Catholic Faith as my own.
Four years later, after working with a Catholic marriage/family therapist who made me curious about the spiritually human quality that I experienced in her presence, I entered into the conversion process and was confirmed Catholic in 2018-2019 at the age of 68. Through that process and beyond, I discovered the spirituality and mysticism of the Catholic faith as the Holy Spirit descended during the sacraments and through readings of the living word. My previous aversion to "religion" was replaced by a wonder and respect for the "spirituality within" the religion that nourishes my relationship with and understanding of God, while the teachings and beliefs of the church make me hunger for my own divine humanity with its human relationships, ethics, values, morals, and holiness intact. Jesus, as the living Christ, taught and showed mankind how to live holy lives of love and charity. Most importantly, he instituted the sacrament of the Eucharist, a supernatural means to transforming each of us into a living Christ. It was a vision of the "light" of the living Christ radiating from within parishioners of my chosen faith community that inspired me to embrace the Catholic Faith and join its community.
Wherever you are regarding your spirituality, faith, beliefs, religious affiliation, culture, family life, or personal healing and development - God is already embracing you with His Love directly and through other people who are enlivened through His love. You simply need to awaken to that Truth.
LORD,
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Grant that I may always allow myself to be guided by you, follow your plans, and perfectly accomplish your holy will.
Grant that in all things great and small, today and all the days of my life, I may do whatever you require of me so that I may be your trustworthy instrument.
AMEN
St. Teresa of Avila
WHO IS GOD TO YOU?
Please provide your response below. If you wish, share a little about your story in relating to God.